Alright...I think...it'll be very embarassing for me to put up this post... very..but, i must really put this up to explain matters, which i can't put in words easily!
Firstly...i think some ppl already know, i really hate eight-legged creatures...not really hate, i don't like them on my body, that's all...don't ask me why. Don't worry, i'll try to refrain myself from killing it, they're life afterall.
Next... another one which i find it more amazing, so i defined it as my second phobia.
"pho·bi·a , noun
Firstly...i think some ppl already know, i really hate eight-legged creatures...not really hate, i don't like them on my body, that's all...don't ask me why. Don't worry, i'll try to refrain myself from killing it, they're life afterall.
Next... another one which i find it more amazing, so i defined it as my second phobia.
"pho·bi·a , noun
1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous.
2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion. "
okay, i don't know whether there really is such phobia or i'm just finding exuses.Whenever i go to this place, with the presence of these people, my body starts to get VERY uneasy... uneasy meaning, my heart start to thump abnormally - those who know, my pulse is very slow but not in the case when i'm there. I'll start to perspire despite the air-conditioner (my chair was wet + shiny). I daren't not talk confidently (yep..i'm muttering to myself words). You'll see the coward in me! reallY!! I hate this feeling! Just as disgusting as it can be!!
ok..still wondering what am i talking? Okay... let me admit, i'm not exaggerating but..i think i have a phobia to the Red Cross headquarters, which includes their people and the locations.
haix...the first time i got this feeling was during the ULP. You know? the rank i got...the requirement was to pass the ulp before getting it...yeap! I think that maybe the start of this phobia, the foundation. I didn't really know what's going on...but they created this 'fear' in me. I shall skip that...
The other time...is the 55th anniversary. This is another hq event. If anyone notice...i'll get quiet everytime i'm going to the hq for practice...However, it wasn't that bad during this event. Clarence, adel and yun ru was there. I wasn't afraid. Jazimin and lutfi (pr mates) were there too! I have people to talk to, people to share things with. One more...i got to know the ma'ms and sirs in no time! They were great...so..i think my fear wasn't that great yet. Maybe because it is a volunteer event and that they were thankful, so they didn't have any strict rules...i got relieved soon. We enjoyed the performance.
However..things gone bad. Recently, some ppl have know about this...i joined the VIP (volunteer instructors program) Cool..i was wondering, i might become a VI and come back to help my Unit...wow! I asked CLarence along...cause he have always persuaded me to. We went to the contact session on sat. It was held in the campsite... that was when i really find out..my heart immediately started getting excited as i enter the gate. I knew something was going wrong with me! I perservered...beared with it...but..i was already psychological defeated. I find no meaning in this course...i got really sick of the place and the people...i don't know why...serious...i never got this feeling anywhere else...
Like i said, my heart beat faster, i sweat, i look at ppl with strange glances, i feel really bad!
Maybe, this is the cause of ULP, maybe this is the cause of the High ranks sirs and ma'ms, maybe the place is scary...or maybe...It is me. amazing? i'll say yes.
I struggled through the sessions...i thought hard...and came with a final decision..never to have this feeling anymore...i'm not going to enter red cross campsite and hq anymore! Even if that's impossible...i will say, as little times as possible! I'm not going back there!
okay, i don't know whether there really is such phobia or i'm just finding exuses.Whenever i go to this place, with the presence of these people, my body starts to get VERY uneasy... uneasy meaning, my heart start to thump abnormally - those who know, my pulse is very slow but not in the case when i'm there. I'll start to perspire despite the air-conditioner (my chair was wet + shiny). I daren't not talk confidently (yep..i'm muttering to myself words). You'll see the coward in me! reallY!! I hate this feeling! Just as disgusting as it can be!!
ok..still wondering what am i talking? Okay... let me admit, i'm not exaggerating but..i think i have a phobia to the Red Cross headquarters, which includes their people and the locations.
haix...the first time i got this feeling was during the ULP. You know? the rank i got...the requirement was to pass the ulp before getting it...yeap! I think that maybe the start of this phobia, the foundation. I didn't really know what's going on...but they created this 'fear' in me. I shall skip that...
The other time...is the 55th anniversary. This is another hq event. If anyone notice...i'll get quiet everytime i'm going to the hq for practice...However, it wasn't that bad during this event. Clarence, adel and yun ru was there. I wasn't afraid. Jazimin and lutfi (pr mates) were there too! I have people to talk to, people to share things with. One more...i got to know the ma'ms and sirs in no time! They were great...so..i think my fear wasn't that great yet. Maybe because it is a volunteer event and that they were thankful, so they didn't have any strict rules...i got relieved soon. We enjoyed the performance.
However..things gone bad. Recently, some ppl have know about this...i joined the VIP (volunteer instructors program) Cool..i was wondering, i might become a VI and come back to help my Unit...wow! I asked CLarence along...cause he have always persuaded me to. We went to the contact session on sat. It was held in the campsite... that was when i really find out..my heart immediately started getting excited as i enter the gate. I knew something was going wrong with me! I perservered...beared with it...but..i was already psychological defeated. I find no meaning in this course...i got really sick of the place and the people...i don't know why...serious...i never got this feeling anywhere else...
Like i said, my heart beat faster, i sweat, i look at ppl with strange glances, i feel really bad!
Maybe, this is the cause of ULP, maybe this is the cause of the High ranks sirs and ma'ms, maybe the place is scary...or maybe...It is me. amazing? i'll say yes.
I struggled through the sessions...i thought hard...and came with a final decision..never to have this feeling anymore...i'm not going to enter red cross campsite and hq anymore! Even if that's impossible...i will say, as little times as possible! I'm not going back there!
Sorry Clarence..i really am...i asked you there, but left you alone...i hope you understand...i admit i'm being selfish here.. please forgive my willfulness, my stubbornness. Anyway..do well in the course, be a vi and do us proud. I'll give you all my support sincerely! If you really need any help...i'll do my best!
"Why did you give up so easily? That's not Melvin's way of life..." True..i thought about this too. I wouldn't give up unless it's really impossible. Care to know why? ok la...it's irritating with me talking about this again...but the problem lies with my hand. Can you imagine how am i going to bathe in the camp!? dang..thought of it makes me red! I know la...it's quite easy for you all to say la..."bring something la" or "the ma'm and sirs will help you de la"...but...do you think they really will? nope..they'll despise you in fact. They might even find you irritating.."Sorry sir, i can't do that...a broken arm here" You know...i hate people looking at me this way..."You can't do it" I had already taken heavy blow from this fall. People have been mocking me, laughing at me... i've overcome it...so, don't ask me to go through that again. Sorry to people whom i have disappointed. Sorry...i really do...
ok la...any problem, ask me, ok? And...have that answer you question, "hai zi de niang"? hehez... long post right? indeed...but it have explained my heartfelt words...it did... ...
"Why did you give up so easily? That's not Melvin's way of life..." True..i thought about this too. I wouldn't give up unless it's really impossible. Care to know why? ok la...it's irritating with me talking about this again...but the problem lies with my hand. Can you imagine how am i going to bathe in the camp!? dang..thought of it makes me red! I know la...it's quite easy for you all to say la..."bring something la" or "the ma'm and sirs will help you de la"...but...do you think they really will? nope..they'll despise you in fact. They might even find you irritating.."Sorry sir, i can't do that...a broken arm here" You know...i hate people looking at me this way..."You can't do it" I had already taken heavy blow from this fall. People have been mocking me, laughing at me... i've overcome it...so, don't ask me to go through that again. Sorry to people whom i have disappointed. Sorry...i really do...
ok la...any problem, ask me, ok? And...have that answer you question, "hai zi de niang"? hehez... long post right? indeed...but it have explained my heartfelt words...it did... ...
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