Can i say...sorry?

"Alright boy, there seems to be slight chances that...your left hand will never recover...just wait longer alright? If it's still not any better, we'll have to carry on with the surgery, ok?"

Yes..that was what he, the specialist's consultant, told me, with a warm smile. Lucky he did smile, cause if he didn't, I might just...(i don't know). It's obvious...i can't get rid of my cast as yet. It might even take up to 3months, 3 months for god sake!!!!!!! What am i going to do!! WTH!?! I really hate myself! DamN iT!!! Why must i break my arm!? now...ALL my post exam activities' down to the drain...i was having some great plans..but now? sad...

It's ok that i fracture my arm...the pain's not defeating me, i'm no kid! I can bring my friends some joy (they enjoy teasing you when you're weak), at least they can draw on my cast too, it's fun..so it's good. I won't irritate my friends now, because i won't annoy them if I don't go out with them. They can carry on having fun, without me by their side being an 'extra'. Isn't these all the good and benefits??

but...i just feel so discouraged whenever i trouble any1...any1! Given my current situation...i can't do lotsa things! My practicals...if you think i can handle, it's true..but, i really hate to order people, especially elders! Miss Lim had to help me with my apparatus. My mum also have to suffer with me, she have to skip OTs to stay at home for me, which of course create inconvenience in her job and private life. My Dad had to take leaves to accompany me to the appoinments. I've told them, i can do it myself...but, they didn't bear to see me suffer. I'm actually so touched. Any1 out there...if you still don't believe the sincerity your parents have for you or you still assume that they don't care about you...go break your arm! I mean it...i really despise those people who ill-treat their own parents.

Also one more thing...i am so guilty...all for one. For those who didn't care bout me, i don't care...on the other hand...i seemed to have drag those people that needed me down! Jeremy...i really want to cycle with him to the beach alone tgt again! It's been so long since we did that. Xiao ye and Ho yin, they're returning to their homeland after our last few matches , i really disappoint them! We might not have further chances for all these matches too... Rc, starlight...they're going for the cup tournaments too, i can't help them in any part. My o'levels...i still don't have the motivation to go all out for it as yet...Alvin, Zhi yong, they need my accompany too! Wei Hong, i'm suppose to help him with his P.O.A. Brian..yes you! I felt that I had disappoint you the most!together with Zachary, Shi ming, Darren...Our SVA! we had so much hopes on it yea? still....I'll try my best as far as possible ok? and one more... haiz..i don't want to say...i feel so useless when i come to think bout' this myself...=(

haiz...nvm...i only have one wish now...just this wish - I want my left hand back as soon as possible, if there's any miracle healer...you know what to do yea??

If my hand's still not improving...i'm going for surgery..."metal hands" then...seriously, i'm really not afraid, in fact..i want the operation now! so long as I can use my left hand again..i want it...I WANT IT!!

soBz!!

sobX Sobx...really feel like crying man~ cAn I?! I really hope there's a way out for me!! Do you know? i still believe that i'm dreaming, serious!! haiz...no point crying over spilled milk yea? i know..but, can't time reverse!?! Stupid...i hate myself...i really do!! can't even type a simple post properly~

alright...i did my bio prac today without my left hand. I start to realise how impt my left hand is now, really..like what people always says, you won't realise the importance unless they're gone! I know now...great lesson learnt...but, completely at the wrong time...why..WHY!?! Luckily miss lim helped me to handle the apparatus today, if not for her...i'll have to take next year already..

sorry everyone, if any1 see me very moodless, plz dn misunderstand! I'm not angry at u or whatsoever, i'm just thinking of the worst case senario...(coz my grandma thought i was angry with her just now)..Hmmm...if i really have a wish now....i really want my left hand back!!sincerely! I just hate to see ppl troubled to help me out...i really can't bear to see them help me do some things like carrying bag or etc. sometimes when i ask ppl to help me carry things, i'll ask 4 it back as soon as possible..now? haiz...just hate to trouble them...really learnt alot already~ and..i also begin to see who's really friends when you need them...that's why...isn't this 'punishment' really very meaningful...well, at least to me!

haiz...nxt wk will be chem and physics prac...this time, i don't think i'll be that lucky..coz these experiment will most likely require both hands rite? *sigh* fated, fated..let's see how i going to watch my grades drop so drastically...regret is only too late now...

hmmm...you know wad??i'm quite excited with my appointment tmr...cox i really want to hear some positive things from him...let's pray? hahaz...sorry, i free-thinker~ =P yeapz..tt's all...hope those getting their papers back "good luck"! and...please take good care of yourselves k? byez...

Day to remember...

wahahaha~!!! today's a special day!! coz...i've been through so many first times today~ whoOpee~

however..i paid a big price..big big big!! so big that i may even regret for the rest of my life...why??? coz..it's the timing that these 1st times occur...

still don't understand what i'm trying to say??you'll see on monday...and i'm sure, the first word you're gonna tell me is..."good luck!"...

well...good luck Mel...just hope eve0rything will be fine yeah? hope! =)

*Anyway, you all know what's wrong with my blog??hmmm~*

Prelims over...1 more month, i'm counting!

yAY!! Prelim's over!! ok..is that something for me to rejoice for? oh well~interested in my L1B4 and L1R5 only right?? i know..all people are only interested in this~ I know...it's embarassing...but, this is what i really got! I've got nothing to be ashamed about anyway, this is my harvest!! hahaz..laugh all you want! =P

L1B4 - 17
L1R5 - 23

okayz...tell you something worse, my L1B4 didn't even include any of my sciences. In fact, my L1R5 only manage to add in Biology which got a grade of C6! Pathetic 6! just managed to passed! hahaz..count myself lucky in the sense...and according to my previous post about the chemistry?? Let me tell yea...my Physics suffered just as much!! Argh~ Both D7s...not from the fault of theory papers, but the practicals!! believe it? believe it!nvm...its over...no point brooding over it now, that's why you still can see the "hahas" in my post! =D alright, i'm being optimistic here..i'm not trying to say i'm contented with my results k!! I could have done better..(-_-'' everyone would have said that)

hahaz...something great..other than my sciences - disappointment, i'm still quite pleased with some improvements i had! If not for these improvements, i wouldn't have been so optimistic~ =P (btw, learnt new words! Deprove - no such word..it should be "retrogress"!) My E-maths shot up! It was like magic! hahaz...ok, don't misunderstand..i'm still weak in those stupid algebra~ tao yan!! English too! For the first time in examination (excluding the one which Mr Tan hh marked) i passed my English! In fact, pass by 2 grades!! wahahaz..nothing wonderful lah..but, i got this sense of success within me mahz..don't blame me lahz...

Combined Humans, i maintained right smack at the same percentage as the previous papers, p.o.a...nothing extraodinary...mt, not taking...Double sciences, D7(s), Biology with C6! hahaz...end of progress report!

and...today was the day i marked...no, WE marked the last session of bb before O'levels...7th October. Did you all notice, our 1st theory paper falls on 7th November! 1 just nice! 1 month later!! 4 weeks!! just four more Thursdays!! but wait..i can't explain this mix feelings inside my mind, it just looks as if...it's still early~? MELVIN!! WAKE UP!! ONLY FOUR MORE THURSDAYS!! hahaz..warning myself~ =P

hehez...can't wait for the big O's to start. Anyway, other levels are having their papers in this period now too right?? Wish you people good luck!! especially you lAhz!! Better get all A1s!! wahahaz..you can do it!! For others, include my band of brothers...stop..i mean STOP playing all your stupid computer games now!! hahaz..coz i'm so irritated by the name "maple story" I swear, if he wasn't James(jerome bro), i would have shouted and gave him that look...He just looked so innocently at you and... ..."Melvin, do you play Maple Story??" grh~ stupid game and name!! arGH!! get it outta ma head!! =P

ok la..had enough~ hehez..going off le...remember to return to my blog after the exams k?? coz i know many other blogs are down too..remember to check back after exams arh!! cya!! and..zach~ i've updated!! =)